


easier than echoes

by Nyxierose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Nightmares, Post-TLJ
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-17 07:39:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13072257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: Dealing with the aftereffects of having someone poke around in your brain is the worst. Out of those ashes, a relationship forms.





	1. Chapter 1

The nightmares just keep getting worse.

Ever since… ever since the thing he does not want to put into words, his mind hasn't been safe. Supposedly that's a normal trauma thing, or at least as normal as anything gets in the aftermath of _another person burning their way through your fucking brain_ , but that's not really reassuring.

Poe is not supposed to have this kind of problem, okay? He's not… he's not victim material, he's pretty sure. He's kind and he's damningly easygoing and he's very good at his job and almost everyone he's ever met _adores_ him and his brain was totally freaking fine before this bullshit happened. And then it did, because apparently nobody's safe from anything anymore, and now it's been a couple weeks and the aftershocks are still there.

He has a couple options, he thinks. He's tried a variety of sleeping meds, including at least one that supposedly isn't safe for humanoids, and no luck. He's tried _not_ sleeping for three days, and that ended with him passing out in the hangar while trying to clean something (he doesn't even remember what) and having a bad one right as someone else walked in (he's blanked out who that was). He's tried exercise, a slight change in diet, and just about everything except for, y'know, actually talking about it.

He's not weak. Really. But damn, he's getting real sick of this.

It's been a couple months now, maybe. Dust is still settling in their latest base, as it's prone to here, and it's another long awful night when Poe gets what might be his weirdest idea yet for dealing with the brain-scars. Which probably ought to have occurred to him a while back, maybe before the more mundane // useless shit he's tried, but better late than never. And yet, awkward, because…

Well…

People-person that he is, effortlessly charming and a little bit in love with the whole damn galaxy, he's a little intimidated by the girl. But on the other hand, from the rumors he heard, she might be the only person he has access to who's been through the same problem, and who knows how well _she's_ dealing.

He wanders down hallways. He knows what room is hers for now, and he's pretty sure that she'll listen for five damn minutes. The girl - Rey, he reminds himself, Rey the desert-planet feral girl who might be salvation someday but at this point in time is mostly just lost and overwhelmed - has been kind enough the few times he's managed to have an actual conversation with her. He thinks, hopes, that will continue.

(Wants, in the back of his mind, to see what else she can do.)

The door opens before he knocks. She hasn't been able to sleep tonight either, from the looks of it - there's a newfound tiredness to her young body, something he hadn't noticed in her before, maybe even more tragic than anything else about her.

"Bad night for you too?" she shrugs, forcing an almost-laugh.

"Thought you might empathize," he replies. Casual. He can do this. He's not asking for _much_ , dammit, just a little sharing of misery or whatever.

She nods. Her hair is loose, too much of it obscuring her face, and on impulse he reaches out and pushes the worst away behind her ear.

The moment his hand touches her skin, something strange and electric comes to life inside him. He doesn't know words for it beyond that it isn't lust or love or anything that cliché. No, this is something else, something-

She flinches back after a couple seconds and locks eyes with him. "That was new."

"Good," he mutters, shaking his head. "I mean-"

"I don't know how this… how anything I am works, really, what I can or can't do, if… if maybe _this_ is part of it or…"

"Or it's the middle of the night, neither of us know how to sleep anymore, and we're freaking out about harmless static because it's easier than anything else around us."

"Or that." She smiles, genuine this time. She's going to be _beautiful_ in a couple years, he can't help thinking - not that she isn't now, but in a decade she's going to blossom into everything she could be and…

He feels himself blush, well aware he's going to have to explain this. Dammit.

"Are you alright?"

Oh, there's gonna be no hiding anything from this woman. Perfect eye contact is both blessing and curse, and the fact that Poe is currently staring a hole into the floor instead might be a little bit of a problem. "Fine. Just… thinking."

"About?"

"Whatever the hell that was, maybe it'd get us through the night." Real fuckin' smooth, but no easy way to proposition her without seeming and feeling like absolute scum and-

"I've heard that's a thing," she shrugs. "Never tried it. Never done much of anything with another person, but… you're kind, I trust you, and if you think our connection might delay the nightmares…"

Rey leans forward and kisses him full on the mouth, and it's pretty obvious she's never done this before but what she lacks in experience she more than makes up for in determination. There's that electric shock again - maybe it's the Force, Poe can't help but think, that'd be his luck to finally feel all the realities of the universe just as he's about to get laid for the first time in just a little too long - but something else too. She tastes like hope, and he's gonna feel awful about this in the morning but right now, again, worth a shot.

"Are you sure you want me to corrupt you?" he breathes.

"I don't think that's what this is," she counters. "This is light. This is good."

How they make it into her bedroom and get the door shut behind him, he has no fuckin' clue. But somehow it happens, and then she's on her back on a thin mattress just _waiting_ and this is probably the worst idea he's ever had, even worse than most of his impulsive battle decisions, and yet it's such a _good_ bad idea and-

"Poe? Something wrong?"

"Don't hate me if this doesn't work," he mutters. "I'm just human, not… whatever you are. I'm not sure if-"

"I don't care. Can't go worse than anything else I've tried. The echo just won't _shake_ and-"

He sits down beside her, pushes her hair out of her face again, and maybe what she actually needs is someone to cuddle with and he can easily be that person too but he'll let her lead. Whatever she wants. Her scars are worse, what he heard, and her _before_ was worse, and all is in her hands.

She senses that somehow and moves to straddle his lap and okay, even if this doesn't actually fix anything, his body is going to enjoy this. She weighs borderline nothing, perched above him, and he'd bet she learns fast and follows instinct in all the right ways. He's seen her fight, and he's pretty sure he heard once that that's a great way to tell what kind of fuck someone will be, and if that's true…

"You're a good distraction," she breathes, feathering kisses on his face as her arms loop around his torso. "This is good."

"Whatever you want, Rey."

She laughs and he feels it echo through his body somehow. "Are you sure you trust me that much?"

"I came here in the middle of the night and figured you'd at least talk to me. So yeah, I think I trust you."

From there, it's a little bit of a blur. There are kisses, the shedding of clothing, scars to trace and unexpected sensitive places to trace with gentle fingers. Poe feels like he's floating, not fully present in his body and yet present enough to appreciate his current circumstances. Rey is… there aren't words for her, at least none he's ever heard. She's an innocent in some ways, yes, but again that fire in her that's made him so damn curious since the moment he first heard of her existence. Her instincts are solid, the way her hands and lips find all the right places of his skin, and-

"Are you absolutely sure?" he asks as he hovers over her.

"Please. Try to make me forget."

He covers her body with his own. That's the only way he can think of to describe it. Being inside her and around her feels _amazing_ , the primal act of their bodies colliding, but all he can focus on is that this is how he can keep her safe.

He's no good with a blaster at close range, never has been, always better in the air away from the actual conflict. He's even worse in a fistfight, learned that from more than enough experiences to know better. He's made too many bad calls to ever be a war hero, at least in the current war (and oh let there not be another in his lifetime, and may that life be long). As a protector, in the standard sense of the word, Poe is borderline useless. And yet this here, holding her close and covering her with kisses and blocking out the world around her? _This_ he can do.

"Breathe," she murmurs, and he is brought back into his body. So close, another few thrusts, and-

"Was that enough?"

"It'll help me sleep."

He moves off of her, moves to stand up but her fingers loop around his wrist and pull him back down.

"Something else wrong?"

"You could stay. If you want. There's enough space."

Normally, he tells himself, normally this would be a bad idea. But hell, his room's a couple hallways away, and it's fucking _late_ , and he's never been able to say no to people who genuinely want him.

"Yeah. I can do that."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Right now I just wanna sleep. I should've just said that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo originally this was supposed to *stay* a oneshot, but then I had ideas and... now it's more than that. Idk how long this storyline is gonna last, but stay tuned.

The high doesn't last. She knew it wouldn't, but she still hoped, and perhaps that in itself is progress.

Rey is still learning how to be human, really. Her entire life has hinged on basic survival, whatever means necessary to wake up the next morning alive and intact. Anything more than that still feels like luxury, undeserved and out of reach. But she's _learning_ , and slowly but surely her wounds are beginning to heal.

She wishes she could do it all on her own. Maybe she could, if she tried hard enough, but she's so tired lately. The recent… whatever the hell that was, the invasion of her mind over and over in various forms… it's left a weight on her worse than anything she ever faced on Jakku, and she hates it beyond words, and it's near impossible to get rid of and that just makes her hate it more.

Her fellow survivor, she knows, has been a little more creative in his coping mechanisms. Everyone seems to know that Poe has tried quite a range of things to make the aftershocks stop - if _she's_ heard rumors, she figures it's common knowledge - and she'd wanted to say something for weeks but she wasn't brave enough.

Figures. Her, claimed by all who know of her existence as some kind of savior… she wasn't brave enough for one little convo.

But that was days ago, before he sought her out first, and now things are very different.

Rey isn't sure where they stand, what they are to each other, or if there's even a _need_ to label the situation. What she does know is that she slept better that night than she can ever remember, and she's pretty sure that had at least a little to do with not being the only person on her mattress. The sex was good enough, she thinks - not like she has anything to compare to - but the aftermath was even better.

So when the nightmares hit especially bad again, a couple days later, it's her turn to wander down hallways and risk awkwardness in exchange for a little companionship.

She's not surprised when the door opens just as she's about to knock. Whatever connection is between them - she doesn't know if it's a Force thing or just _really_ good chemistry - is definitely working in her favor tonight.

"Can I come in?" she asks, deciding not to bother with formalities.

"Another bad night?"

"Turns out I actually hate waking up alone," she shrugs. No point lying to someone who may or may not be able to read her mind (she's not sure about that but she thinks there's a chance). "But yeah. Nightmares again."

"C'mere."

His arms wrap around her so effortlessly and she forgets how to breathe for a moment, losing herself in the smell and feel of him. There's something inherently comforting about his presence, an almost physical warmth that she could get lost in if she'd let herself. Whatever else Poe Dameron is, there's kindness in his very skin and she knows she's lucky to have every moment she gets and-

"Not electric this time," he murmurs.

"Bad?"

"Actually a lot better. May I?"

She's not sure what he's asking for, but she nods and he kisses her and oh, she did not think physical contact could be so nice until it happened. He's perfectly gentle with her, doesn't hide that he _wants_ her but smart enough to move slow. A cautious hand on her hip, the other tangled in her hair, an embrace she could easily get out of if she were so inclined.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Still so strange, but… I like."

"You can say if I do something you don't. You know that, right?"

She nods, kisses him again, lets herself get distracted. She likes being touched, she knows that much, and shedding her clothes is a small price to pay for his callused hands finding all the right places. She has a thing about his hands, she thinks - fighter's hands, differently damaged than hers, more used to delicate controls and weaponry and a different relationship with engine grease. And talented, so damn talented, and-

"You know this part is optional," he murmurs. "You just want to curl up around me, we can do that too. Your call."

"You could just say you're not in that mood," she shrugs. "I don't really care. I just don't want to be alone right now, and-"

"Shit. Rey. That's not… that's not how this is supposed to work."

"Well how am _I_ supposed to know that?!"

He takes a very cautious step away from her, and she can see the realizations all over his face as he processes what he accidentally said. She's not mad at him - she's still figuring out a _lot_ of how to function as a normal person, and she gets that some details get forgotten in various interactions. Makes sense that compared to some of her more visible screw-ups, her total cluelessness as far as sexual relationships would get cast aside.

"Sorry," she breathes. "Not your fault."

"Still should've thought that through a little better."

"It's okay. You didn't mean to be hurtful."

She crosses the distance again and kisses his cheek, hopes against hope that she'll be able to patch up what damage she might've done.

"Right now I just wanna sleep. I should've just said that."

"Okay."

They end up a tangle of limbs on his bed, almost by accident. The mattress isn't _quite_ big enough for both of them to spread out, and it takes a few attempts before they figure out a position that allows both of them to breathe.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"For?"

"Thinking you wanted-"

"It's okay. Not your fault."

"Is that a permanent no?"

"Absolutely not. You're beautiful, Rey, and I do… fuck, I don't know how I feel about you but I know it's _good_ , I just… right now, tonight, I don't want to do more than kiss you. That make sense?"

"Yeah." (Not really, but she thinks she gets the general idea.)

It's not quite what she wants, curled up around him, but it's enough. Her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat… it hits her that she isn't _alone_ and that, chances are, she never really will be again. She's not sure where this journey will lead, but at least she doesn't always have to defend herself.

"Poe?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

He shifts position a little and playfully runs his hand through her hair. "You're saving me too. Don't forget that."


End file.
